This poem was inspired by Sabrina Benaim’s “Explaining My Depression to My Mother.”
all I had to do
was leave the car,
but my hands froze,
and my heart beat faster and faster
until terror rose above me
like a boat facing a threatening wave
until the wave capsized the boat,
and my breath stuck in my chest
and I said,
Mom, why can’t you understand
that socialization
is like entering a battlefield with a plastic sword,
knowing that I will lose
but charging anyway,
because I have no choice,
because people are everywhere
Mom, why can’t you understand
that this war doesn’t kill me,
but drives me further and further into a corner
where I accept the swords
with welcoming arms and a fake smile
Mom, why can’t you understand
that you are one of the soldiers
Mom, I am scared,
scared of the classroom,
scared of eye contact,
scared of the gym,
scared of my dorm room,
scared of my friends,
scared of my family
Mom, I am scared,
scared of people.
Mom, I want this nightmare to end.
except it is real,
except it only ends when I close my eyes.
Mom, I can’t.
I can’t get out of this car.
how deeply sad …
LikeLiked by 3 people
Wonderful
LikeLiked by 2 people
This is such a legitimate expression of anxiety. I’ve felt this many times with mine. I’m glad to be at a good place with it now. This poem is very relatable and well expressed
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much.
LikeLike
Welcome . Keep inspiring friend 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is incredibly moving! I have had so many frustrated conversations with my mother on topics relating to this.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I reblogged this. Hope that’s okay!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t mind at all, in fact I’m honored that you chose to use my poem to describe how you feel.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Superb reflections on anxiety!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Brilliant poem. Loved it.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Fear is the suited title
LikeLiked by 2 people
Maybe, but I like making my message clear in the title so that it clarifies what I’m talking about. Social anxiety was what I was trying to express and that was important for me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
in my case, i didnt wanna get on/off the bus
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s an issue with me as well
LikeLiked by 2 people
Brilliantly written! Love how you’ve expressed it here – raw and powerful.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is so sad how this poem relates to so many! Well written!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks!
LikeLike
powerful and true!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This speaks to my heart in ways you can’t imagine. It’s brilliant!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks!!
LikeLike
A brave poem, relevant to so many people.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This speaks a thousand languages to me, and I can hear them all perfectly. A beautiful poem
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha. Same shit I wanted to say whenever we’d go to gatherings, school events, or any outside activities when I was young, but was afraid to, or just chose not to, since I knew I wouldn’t win anyway.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on rewritereasons.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is great! It explains so well that awful feeling of a rising panic attack when others have expectations which we’re too ill to meet. So many times I’ve sat in my car feeling this way before going in to work or even in to a shop for the grocery shop. Keep on keeping on! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you 🙂
LikeLike
Absolutely beautiful
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLike
I Love it
LikeLike
You don’t need “to” in the first stanza.
I like the simile you used for your reaction in the car.
I love the metaphor of entering a battlefield with a plastic sword.
I love the poem. ♥ Thank you for sharing this with us.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“where I accept the swords
with welcoming arms and a fake smile”
This is my favorite part. I love your works, Seolin 🙂
LikeLike
“…socialization / is like entering a battlefield with a plastic sword,”
Wonderful phrasing. I wish you the best.
LikeLiked by 1 person